Hello, my spooky little ghosts! Ghosties? I don’t know what to call my legion of loyal readers. All seven of you. Humble self-awareness aside, it’s time for another wonderful story from the video game experiences of one Horror Spooky–your king, your master, the best thing to happen to video game journalism since video games were invented! Last week I told you a heartwarming tale of how I let my good friend play my Skyrim save for only a few minutes, only to return and discover that in those few minutes, he had (allegedly) murdered my good friend, lover, and soulmate, the beautiful Lydia. Not only did I find her lying dead 50 feet below the mountain where the murder occurred, but I also found her stripped completely naked, with scorch marks all over her body.

You’ll be happy to know that my morbid buddy Josh is in another story this week. However, this time I join him in his psychotic rampages through video game land, in Call of Duty: Black Ops. Man, absolutely evil things can happen online when you get two certifiably insane individuals behind the controllers!

After a night of fighting crime and charming women, Josh and I retired to his bedroom to play what was at the time the latest Call of Duty adventure, Black Ops. I recovered my GamerTag–which took more time than it does for Activision to pump out a new Call of Duty game–and then we hopped online with the always perfectly responsive and reliable Call of Duty servers!

At first, you know, we played the typical rounds of Team Deathmatch. However, it grew boring quickly, and I was becoming sexually agitated, so we switched gears and started a round of Gun Game. Gun Game, for those that don’t know, is a part of the great Wager Matches in Black Ops. In Gun Game, players start with a pistol and work their way up to the ballistic knife, cycling through a total of 20 guns. With each kill, the player goes up to the next rank of gun, and onward and so forth, until they have gotten a kill with each weapon available. It’s a blast, let me assure you.

One of the quirks of Gun Game, however, is the ability to demote players. If a player accidentally kills themselves with an explosive, they will go back to the gun they had to use prior to their current one, meaning they lose progress in trying to go through all 20 weapons. Another way to demote players is to knife them, and as you can imagine, spamming such an action can invite an incredible amount of rage and hate towards your direction.

Josh and I were becoming bored with Gun Game as well, so we decided to do just this. We ran around, knifing people constantly. One gentleman we singled out and knifed the most, as he seemed to be the most skilled. We laid off him once he got to the sniper rifles, as they are the most difficult weapons to get kills with in Gun Game, and started focusing on the other players. All was quiet in the lobby. For all we knew, no one even had their mics plugged in.

Then we noticed the gentleman we had been focusing on earlier had progressed from the sniper rifles. It took him a very decent chunk of the game to finally get off those pesky snipers. We ran over and knifed the poor fellow. Silence. And then, like a blast of thunder exploding through the sky, we heard:

“YOU F***ING C**T!”

Josh: O_O

Me: O_O

It was startling. I jumped out of my seat. We continued to torment this poor guy game after game, and the obscenities mounted. He resorted to racism, verbally attacking our family members, and trying to trash talk our skills in the game. We just laughed and kept knifing him, wondering why he didn’t just leave the lobby.

So, remember kids, the moral of the story is this:  I’m kind of a jerk.

But damn it, if I’m not cute!

YOU F***ING C**T!