Hello one and all and welcome to another edition of The Spook House! I’ll be your tour guide this evening and I will take you on a magical journey filled with candy, mythical beasts, sexually-oppressed demi-Gods, and much more! If you’re looking for adventure, you’ve come to the wrong right place!

Last week I told you the harrowing and heart-pounding tale about my first midnight release. Tears were shed, laughs were laughed, and history was made! This week, I have yet ANOTHER story about Skyrim for you. As you can tell by the title of this whimsically perfect column, this will tell you about how my Skyrim save was deleted…

Okay, that’s a lie. Yep. Old bait and switch here. This column is more about saves being deleted in general rather than an isolated Skyrim incident. Honestly, my Skyrim save has never been deleted. I once saved over a slot that I didn’t mean to, and in the ensuing rage, was responsible for the murder of six or seven people. But really, I straight up fooled all of you. Mwahahaha.

After writing that last paragraph, I felt bad. I don’t want to disappoint my loyal readers. I didn’t want to delete my own Skyrim save for laughs, though, but I did delete my girlfriend’s save! And guess what? I CAUGHT IT ALL ON CAMERA! Here’s her reaction to me hilariously deleting her save:

Seriously though, we’ve all experienced our saves being deleted by pesky younger relatives or accidentally by our inept selves. It sucks. I recall a time when I was at the end of Ratchet & Clank: Up Your Arsenal, only to have it accidentally deleted by my little brother. Yeah, maybe throwing him down the stairs was a bit overboard, and sure, murdering his dog was probably too much, but hey, it hurts when your file gets deleted!

Rough transition! In middle school, Pokemon was all the rage. One of my friends, an angelic fellow named Greg, nearly had captured all of the little critters. Granted, this was before the GBA or DS games, so he didn’t have to go out of his way to catch an ice-cream cone with eyeballs, but he did still have to capture hundreds of Pokemon. He only had one or two of the legendary dogs left to capture, in fact. Foolishly, he let a classmate of ours play his save on the bus ride to school. This classmate, to go unnamed to protect the innocent, promised that he would NOT under ANY CIRCUMSTANCES save over Greg’s file.

This classmate then started a new save. He named his character “Cockballs Vagina”, aptly named if you knew this person, and then proceeded to save over Greg’s hundreds of hours of progress and struggles.

Never before have I seen such a rage. It was like Hell’s flames combined with the fires of Mordor swirling like a demonic tornado within his soul. You could tell that he wanted to murder this person in the most brutal and graphic way possible. If I had to make any guesses as to the murder weapon, it probably would have been the very Game Boy that housed the game. I imagine a violent image of Game Boys and orifices. It’s not a pretty sight.

And then there’s the times when your save is ruined by the game itself. Like that time when my Borderlands character was corrupted. Motherf–

Excuse me. I just punched my baby sister in the nose to relieve the stress of reliving that horrific memory. Ugh. I better stop writing before I have a heart attack.